I’ve had two major meltdowns resulting in terror to those close to me. I am an autistic person that has never had the correct professional help. I was dinosed as psychotic, schizophrenic and a sociopath in 1990 just before they sent me to prison, but that doesn’t matter. I am what I am. The good news is that I’ve never been violent.
I was born in 1949 and I am now in paradise. When I was in prison I wrote out my future life for the next 20 years, much of it in detail. I discovered how to mold the reality around me it is so incredibly beautiful I’ve been know to hyperventilate as some things just get to me.
I want to write about my youth now. I was raised in a house with four other boys and my mothers parents. I was a loner, not wanting any friends with a goal of no one even seeing me.
I did terrible in school as I couldn’t read or write very well. This was near San Jose California and the middle and high schools (I attended three different high schools), with the exception of the third high school, had a lot of gangs but people thought I was really strange so I was off limits.
When I enrolled in my second high school I met with the counselor and told them I wanted to take algebra 1. They said they wanted me to take secretary classes because I got A in typing. It seems I have very good hand/eye coordination. The counselor told male secataries were in great demand for high level work as women can’t be trusted. I glared at him and said “I want to take algebra!”
I struggled with it until one day, half way through the semester,
Today: For years I told myself if I could look out my head and see without familiarity - it’s like looking at things if you were dropped into this body from another dimension. Last night when I got undressed for bed and looking at this body. Wow.
When I focus there is absolutely no limit.
I find it easy to please my wife. She is the only person I’m okay being with. Everyone else makes me nervous, but I know how to hide it. Usually I can’t wait to get home to be with my goats. I need that now.
Another day of hard farm work. I move 4 courses of firewood over the past three days from the splitting and drying area to our house. In the winters when it get below 30 degrees F our heat pump doesn’t work well so we build fires in our wood stove.
One of my written goal from 30 years ago was to own an organic farm. I’m 2000 my wife and I bought 5 acres of woodlands on Whidbey Island, about 35 miles northwest of Seattle. We put in a well the first year and started construction of our vegetable garden. I then built a goat barn by myself using hand tools and a small generator.
Then I built our house using some day laborers, but mostly by myself. It’s a sweet cabin. Much of the wood was milled for us and the floor is old growth Douglas fir that was salvaged from an old wood shop in Seattle. I had to plane each borax to get the old glue and dirt off.
We grow most of our food on our little farm. We is about two of our five acres, the balance we late nature deal with. Our land was clear cut about five years before we bought and because we are so remote the loggers got away without replanting, which is awesome as nature knows how to restore a forest after such an ecological disaster. We have been watching it for 23 years now and it takes my breath away.
This afternoon after watering the garden I moved a chair in the chicken area into the shade to take a 15 minute break. This has been a bad fly year and rather than watching the chickens I was focused on flys. Pests when they land on me but watching them hover in the sky - hundreds of them. I understand there is one one self, in different lifetimes. This is a beautiful planet with some much life on it. Very cool.
I sold four of our young doe goats this morning. Our line of goats are from the best breeding stock and are gentle and great milk producers. The milk has no “goat flavor” and is so rich. They are interesting creatures, being smart and funny, but they are farm animals. We eat all of their boys and sell their girls and when our milkers past their prime we eat.
